2K5 ROCKZ

I was just into my REM slumber when my pleasant dreams were interrupted by a hammering on the door, by some strange force which kinda threatened to rip it apart. “Don’t move a muscle,” my HYPERALERT senses were telling me. Whichever @#$%!% it is will soon give up and be on their way. My roommate, Aby a.k.a The Harvardian, thought otherwise. He was up in a flash, raving mad at his holy sleep being disturbed by the entity. He walked resolutely upto the door and unbolted it, not contemplating the consequences of his actions. The above act set in motion a chain of events which culminated in you, having to put up with this awesome piece of trash that I call “MY ARTICLE”. Anyways let’s go by the time-line. There sprung a dark, malicious, cold form, into the safe confines of my room. It was the grim reaper in human form, Arun R. a.k.a Mallu wiz. He walked up, and stared at me, eye to eye. He had a proposition for me… “Let’s hear it,” blurted out my roommate, still asleep. So, the entity gave me a contract which read as below:-

I, Tharun so & so, a member of 2K5 MBBS, do hereby pledge my body and soul, to the writing of an article that may, or may not, be published in a souvenir that may, or may not, be released at a function called ‘The Social’ that may, or may not, take place.” Which sounded like nothing but complete crap to me.

“What’s in it for me?” I asked with wide eyes. So the mallu wiz put forward the terms of the deal. The last one hit paydirt. He promised me a RENaming, where my unceremonious “BOW-BOW” would be changed to something classier. I soon sealed the deal not knowing that I was selling my soul to the devil himself. He got up, laughed a heinous laugh and disappeared into thin air, leaving Aby and me dumbstruck. Then, I went back to my sleep. Guess what…? All my dreams were bout the RENaming...

I woke up the next day thinking that the events had been a dream… until I saw the god-damned contract on my table, which brought on an attack of hysteria never before seen in the human race. “Calm down,” I told myself thinking `bout the next line of action. The rest of the day went by in a flash with me consulting the best lawyers money could buy, to find a loophole in the contract. Needless to say, it ended in crushing defeat… So the rest of 2008 went by with me promising my wing-mate ASSems a treat if he would write me an article. It ended in me being subject to ze “middle finger”. My celebrations of ‘09 were cut short by the arrival of the Inspector of Souls (the reaper’s sidekick), Ajmal a.k.a Adebayor who threatened me with eternal suffering in hell; not to mention, legal action, if I did not give my article before 11.59.59 pm on the 6^th of Jan. So there I was, all alone in this cosmos, thinking of what to write. So here goes…

On 9/2/1988, a cool, intelligent, handsome kid was born on earth, destined for fame and fortune. He grew up to b’come… me [if it sounds narcissistic to you, you need an asylum and a mental rewiring], waltzed hos classes and finally reached the diabolical place called Medical College Trivandrum, and its associated Aushwitz-Mens Hostel 2, cell 24.

On entering the cell, I see ASSems, Viks and Phil - which brings back memories; the trial, the conviction and finally the sentencing to 2 years of rigorous imprisonment in the Penal Colony for crimes unknown.

The joy we had felt on seeing each other quickly evaporated on spotting the dreaded Lords of Destruction, the seniors. They attacked us from all flanks and finally, fortress no: 24 fell, making us Prisoners of War. The guard supposed to guard us was too busy guarding himself, I guess. The dinner bell gave us some breathing space as the lords went away to get some grub. Little did I suspect that we were dessert! The revelry was perpetual, starting from first light and continuing well past midnight; but it had its positives - the most notable being the discovery of mallu jargon, all of which fit in the elite genre of unspeakables.

Alas, during this phase I had the misfortune of getting a new moniker, which I fear will haunt me for the rest of my existence. Thus began the trials and tribulations that would last a zillion years till the day called Genesis when the lords would be finally overthrown and the title would pass on to us. Unfortunately, we would have to wait till Aug 06 to get our chance to use the authority to pillage and loot the hapless freshers. The interlude b/w genesis and the plunder was dubbed ‘Pax 2K5’ - the era of “the tour” - amity, opulence and…botched romances. The pax age was soon over, and with it came Armageddon. “The University” exams had arrived... and there I was, like the proverbial rabbit in the headlights..., not knowing what to do to avoid the chaos set forth by its advent. Armageddon was quickly over and the three months of nuclear winter before Judgment Day passed by in a jiffy. The dreaded Judgment Day arrived and a lenient ruling saw me escape conviction to remain a free soul. With it, came a perk... access to top secret entities, the patients. So, there we were in the secure area 51, with a tube round our necks and absolutely nothing in our heads. The area was specifically designed to prevent the patients from eluding our clutches. The patients looked on with awe as we blurted out nonsense in front of our tutors. The awe turned to panic when we started the physicals of the IKAN [I Know Absolutely Nothing] program on them. The IKAN program is in fact a sequel to the Men in Black [MIB] program which gave us such Dark characters like Blacky, Drani and Vishwakat. We were issued shiny new books, with which we had no idea what to do - so most of them ended their lives as shiny new paperweights. Thus the IKAN program continued, with us scrutinizing different test subjects at different geographical sites. To my disappointment none of the subjects were mutants… what a bummer! So, there we trained, 200 whackos in a top secret facility. Needless to say, it was shut down. So, life went back to normal until the Epoch of the Election. Most people think it was to destroy evil; that’s utter rubbish. The main raison d'être was the financial moolah that we saw being lapped up by those in power [LOL]. So, there we were - amateurs, out of place in politics. The result was a skirmish. The termination was in an event that has been chronicled in a book titled “Prisoners Of Azkaban”. The only positives were the royalties received from selling the book and its movie rights to Warner Bros.

And, like that, it was over… A generation lost to politics... Beginning life anew with a new year 08 - new patients, new tours and… more botched romances. The year was uneventful, excepting the global cataclysm that befell us... Armageddon Two - “The University Strikes Back”. Needless to say, most of us lived to fight another day, but we did take certain casualities en route to our victory. With that began phase two of the IKAN program which is still operational, courtesy the surviving whackos …

So, there you have it… The canvas of the 2K5 clan... Streaked with guts, determination, blood, and a whole lot of trash. For those scratching their heads mulling over the title, you can continue doing just that… he... he… ;-)  Guess that leaves me unbound to pursue my sleep without fearing eternal damnation in the burning pits of Hell.